#11 JIMJAMS AND GLITTER

 “IT’S OUT!”

Coming to you on a Tuesday again just to shake things up a bit and keep you all on your toes.

Chemo this morning – in at 9am and home by 1pm. Tried very hard to stay awake but the guy next to me was kicking out some bad ass snoring so thought it would be rude not to join him.

Second to last of the weekly chemos. Then onto the four lots of three weekly cycles. Part of me is dreading venturing into the unknown with a change in type of chemo, whilst another is joyous at the thought of not going to the hospital so often.

Had a bath when I got in. Yes I know it’s bloody 30º out there. But find a soak in Epsom Salts does help with the incoming aches. Then food whilst the appetite is on full throttle knowing that tomorrow could be wiped out completely.

“Do what you can when you can” is my cancer motto. And if that means I crash on the sofa shortly and/or lay in bed tomorrow in my jimjams then quite frankly Allison Pearson that is exactly what I shall do, with zero apologies. Because this means, like thousands of others, this is the best we can manage on certain days.

For those who missed the controversial article in the Telegraph on the Trooping the Colour royal parade then I’ll add the intro here:

“Thank you, thank you Princess of Wales for being an absolute trooper for attending Trooping the Colour on a cold grey day when lesser mortals with your illness would have stayed home tucked up in their jimjams. Thank you for sacrificing the privacy that is so much needed to get you back to full health.”

Yep kudos Kate. Rich or poor – cancer and chemo are the same. As the saying goes: “You can’t polish a turd but you can roll it in glitter.” And anyone dealing with the ravages of treatment, who gets up “rolls the cancer/chemo in glitter” and faces the world in whatever capacity, deserves credit.

Those who have been through, or are going through cancer treatment, understand the struggle and willpower it takes, mentally and physically to “go on with the show”. But come on. There is a monumental difference between putting on a frock and some lippy and waving from a horse-drawn carriage to dragging your sick, weary chemo arse out of the house on a daily basis to go to work because bills need paying, picking up kids from school, going shopping, cleaning the house etc.  And an insipid and patronising press article just shows Ms Pearson needs to dip her toe into real life before she puts pen to paper.

People with a ‘voice’ should choose their words more carefully. Because not having Sky TV or turning a royal engagement into a huge achievement by denigrating the rest of us, means they are just showing what completely out of touch twats they really are and that is a dangerous precedent in a world where us ‘lesser mortals’ are doing our best in all our situations. And some of those situations are heartbreakingly awful.

Anyway I refuse to get wound up by nauseating nonsense in the press. Or I’d be here all day ranting! So I’ll give you a run down of my main paradoxes of chemo.

HAIR LOSS  

• My body is beach-ready! It’s smooth, hairless and such a relief not to have to shave or faff with my hair. I think hair loss is one of the benefits of chemo personally as when you feel like utter crap the last thing you want to do is worry about de-fuzzing your legs or styling your hair. To stick a headscarf on makes life a little simpler.

• My body may be beach-ready but I’m not able to expose my white limbs to the sun!  

SLEEP

• I could sleep standing up. Siestas rock. And a good night’s sleep is always good for the healing process.

• However being weary or tired all the time is a fine line battle between getting stuff done and pushing yourself too much.

DRY MOUTH

• Makes you drink more water.

• Seriously couldn’t lick a stamp some nights whilst I have to surgically remove my tongue from the roof of my mouth some mornings.

SICKNESS/NAUSEA

• If you were after a weight loss programme then this’ll do the trick! “Cut Calories with Chemo.”

• As I am not looking to lose weight this isn’t the best for me and there’s nothing worse than barfing in a bucket by your bed.

NEUROPATHY

• Absolutely no benefits I can think of!

• Apparently nerve pain comes with the chemo territory. Most get it in their fingers and toes. Me? My knees. I have two numb patches on the inside of my knees and occasional stabbing pain. Does this go after treatment? Bloody hope so. Because on the days I do ‘roll in glitter’ for hubby’s gigs, the last thing I need is to look like I’m doing a demented version of head, shoulders, knees and toes on the dance floor. Which is so not Rock n Roll.