A year ago I had a meal out with a group of friends to celebrate my birthday. It was an emotionally challenging night. I had received my diagnosis just a week before and my head was battered and all I wanted to do was cry and shout and “let it all out.”
I remember feeling sad, angry, confused, and scared of what lay ahead. I was in post-diagnosis – pre-treatment limbo – which I think is the worst place to be – because you are in limbo. Waiting Room hell. With the knowledge you have cancer growing inside you and about to face a very long unknown road of impending treatment.
It felt like the ‘last supper’ and as much as I tried to enjoy that evening I felt utterly deflated and defeated by something I couldn’t just fix myself with a paracetamol and an early night.
Twelve months later I wanted to acknowledge my ‘journey’ by doing the same thing, same place, same people (more or less). I have no idea why, perhaps as a sense of closure. Or perhaps to have a better night than I did last year.
Cancer still looms like the boogeyman under the bed. But this time I know I am battling the beast to the best of my ability. I am no longer terrified of what’s to come. There’s a saying by French Renaissance writer Michel de Montaigne: “A man who fears suffering is already suffering from what he fears.”
And there is so much fear surrounding cancer and the treatment involved and there are so many lows and negatives that it is important to recognise the positives. And the main positive is I’m still here to shout about it. And eat birthday cake!
Meanwhile, March is a significant month for other related reasons – it was Triple Negative Breast Cancer Day on March 3rd and it is also World Lymphedema month, which also has its own day (March 6th).
Who knew? Well thanks to my foray into all things cancer and lymph – I do. And now, so do you. Do with it what you wish.
One of my main challenges at the moment is tackling lymphedema which has taken up residency in my right breast. It’s a common side-effect post-radiation. If missing 14 lymph nodes under my armpit isn’t enough to cause congestion in the system, radiation will cause a depletion of lymphocytes (a white blood cell that is part of the immune system) and then undergo fatty changes and cause fibrosis. This alters the node’s ability to filter lymphatic fluid causing a build of said fluid – which is currently hanging around my right boob – now named Big Barbara. The left is Thin Lizzy.
So Big Barb has received quite a bit of one-on-one attention over the last few weeks from the Manual Lymphatic Drainage massage therapist, exercise, stretching, and a bit of swinging (no not that type). The latter involves leaning over with your hands on a table or unit, unshackling the girls and then swinging them from side to side.
If you require a visual then imagine Thin Lizzy – who swings like a deflated balloon in a hurricane whilst Big Barb requires a bit of a push to activate and maintain some motion. Once the pair are moving it’s like an out-of-sync pendulum.
Top tip: Do remember to do this when alone in the house or behind a locked door so younger family members are not met with a vision that could cost them a small fortune in therapy.
In addition to all of the above extracurricular activities, I was also given a prescription for an orthopaedic bra. This is worn with a lymph pad insertion (basically a piece of bubble wrap – but made out of silicon) which you pop into the bra to create a kind of all-day massager! Think Scholl massage sandals and how they work for your feet.
The price tag on the surprisingly comfortable compression bra says it is worth €158. The most expensive bit of underwear I’ve ever owned even if it would never make it into the Ann Summers spring collection catalogue.
Anyway amidst all the fun and games to level out the chesticles, it was back to the hospital for the fifth infusion of immunotherapy this week and a catch-up with the lovely Dr Kildare.
As my bloods are all looking normal he’s now given me a ‘get out of jail free’ card for the next two sessions which speeds up the ‘hanging around’ hospital process for the next couple of months so no complaints from me and gives me more time to concentrate on the bazookas.
two steps freelance 